Hey.
I have always feared of losing my family members. I could cry my eyes out thinking of it. But my worst fear has yet to come true. Today my dad past away and it is kinda my fault.Today morning i woke early by my dad. Cus he wasn't feeling well. I thought it was the same of sickness that he was having. Did the usual things that he wanted me to do. After that i ask him whether he need me to go down to the doctor with since it was early. He said he needed a an ambulance. I thought he was kidding because of his face expression. So i went back to sleep. Then i woke up at 11am to get ready for school cus PIE there will be section head coming or something like that and i have IA Phase Test and an Interview for SICTAC. Getting dress and all my dad knock my door to give him X-oil on his back. So i did and he ask me to go down to buy salonpas(sp) but i was kinda running late. So i search in Joanne's room cus i know she has. Gave it to my dad help him paste it on his back. After that my mom call me and ask me whether i had a test and i said i have. So my dad says i should go ahead. Before i left the house i brought water to him. Told him that anything just give me a call. I left and it was the last time i had talk to him.






I went to school meet up with Christine at Tampines Interchange and Joanne H. in school. When i just reached school guess what! PIE was cancelled! I was pissed! Anyway after that i was having my Interview for SICTAC. Later went for it and it was okey then i got a call from Joanne and says that nobody was answering the phone at home.I panic! i kept on calling on the house phone hoping that he would answer the phone. I was on the way to IA someone answered the phone but it wasn't my dad. It was Leiza. She just ask me to hurry up and come home. But i didn't know what was happending. Was outside the classroom when i got a phone call from my mom crying telling me that dad has passed away. But i wanted to know what really happend. I was beening blame cus i refuse to stay at home to take care of my dad. Anyway Jessica told Ms Veron what happend borrowed money from her cus i didn't bring much cash. I rushed home didn't take my test. Cried on the taxi all the way home. Then i saw Leiza and we went to take a cab to Joanne's working place. Still crying and then Joanne was blaming me and we head to Tan Tock Sing Hospital. where i saw my mother crying badly. I wanted to say Sorry but i saw her crying so that made me cry even more. After that the doctor showed us the body of my dad. He looks like he was just sleeping. But the thought of him beening gone so sudden was rushing through my mind.




I blame myself cus i could have stayed home and took care of my dad instead of going to school and thinking of tests. I'm such a selfish person.It's hard not to blame myself cus basically i think about it in my head i have the choice to stay at home and look after my dad. I made the wrong choice. I look at my mom all sad and feeling helpless makes me more miserable. I came back home feeling empty. No more jokes no more askin me to do things. So many question is rushing through my head wishing to talk to GOD that why must he take him away TODAY! Why can't he wait till we have been to America and celebrated his Father's B-Dae. My hearts goes out to my grandpa. My grandma god has taken away and his son has been taken away from him. My dad was suppose to go out with his friends tomorrow but the tomorrow didn't make it.On Monday i will be flying off to Philippines where he would be buried with my grandma.So that means i won't be able to take my EES exam. I could fail for all i care and retain another year cus at this moment my family needs me espcially my mom. Now looking at her picking up the clothes for my dad to wear on the wake makes me sad. Remember my dad went Metro sales he bought new clothes and didn't get to wear any of it. It's gonna be SUPER SUPER DUPER DUPER hard just trying not to feel so sad. My heart mours for my mother. Imagine she has to sleep on the bed where my dad last lying on when he died.




Time flies so FREAKING FAST! One minute the person is still alive and the next minute the person was taking away by God. I just realise he didn't even get to celebrate Father's Day. I was planning to give him something nice cus since i gave my mom sumthing.AH Fuck!Another reason to be sad. SO many reason to be sad and very little to be happy right now. I need to find a job already cus i know my mom can't support all of us.




Oh ya God gave us so many signs and didn't take notice. DamnIt! I just feel like screaming it out cus crying doesn't seems to help. I still can't believe this is even happending it seems like a bad dream. It happend so fast. It just happend so fast.




Tomorrow there will be a wake till Sunday. I have no clue where it is goin to be held. Somewhere in Ang Mo Kio. The only thing i know is that there will be a mass at 7pm. Ohh ya found the card it is at


Trinity Casket Pte Ltd.

Sin Ming Drive, Block 38

#01-527/531,

Singapore 575712


for those who wish to attend ok. Take care everyone.

Love Always:
Jessica